11.9.14

Sincerity

Hey, may I ask you, how to be a sincere person?

Uhm.. I don't know. Do we even need to be that kind of person? And, do that person even exist?

***

Courtesy image from my instagram.
It feels like I was trapped. Like, being held captive on a prison and everyday there are several people who interogated me, asked me the same question over and over again just to satisfy their need.

A: "Hey, what do you know about this?"

B: "Hey, did A say something to you?"

C: "Halo, what do you know about the relationship between A and B?"

At first I might give answers that make them stop questioning. I would be happy to explain something I know if it's not too secret. But now it didn't make me happy at all. It was like, I know something that they want to clarify to each other. Like a witness in a court, being asked by the prosecutor and defender, one by one, while being watched and judged by the juror.

Is that even entertaining to you?

Let me tell you something. This is not my business, like, at all. If you want something from somebody, just ask them right away. Don't use me as a camouflage thing, or a barrier, or even an additional person just to make people turn away from y'all. I am not that stupid. And with this trust issue all over my head, I don't think I can trust any of you for being so mean, involving me in your issues that you can actually handle them yourself, and act like you are all victimized by each other.

For God sake, I am not a kind-hearted person that will accept everything kind-hearted-ly and just forget everything you've done to me. Both of you, well, somehow y'all make me sick. Make me questioning are you really sincere? Are you really need my help? Because okay, I may help you. But I can't promise that I will be very sincere, since your own sincerity is made me questioning just as much.

One last thing, do you even realize that the problem is only between the two of you?

Go fix it.

***

Hey, I think I know the answer.
What is it?

I think, I don't need to question the sincerity behind all of these.
But why?
Well, you can be kind, or pretend to kind. And others can be kind to you, like very kind until you untrust them for being too kind. But sincerity? Do you even have to think about that? Let Him be the jury. Just, do what you want to do, as you know you've being watched by Him. Not him. I mean, if you want to help, just help. Don't ask the motives."
That's deep. Are you going to be that person yourself?
I don't know. This hurts my brain.

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