Someone has just stumbled on my blog and left a nice comment on an old post. Believe me, any positive feedback would make me smile and feel "stronger". Some say it was a spoiling act. I say it's a motivating deed. I'm not a wood or stone. You don't need to carve me with a knive or any other sharp tools to build me.
|I try to use my magic, but in fact I have no magic in me lol.|
So then after I saw that old post, I scrolled down, seeing anything older. And suddenly my eyes saw this post, about the first time I was away from Java. My first office was in Medan, remember?
Yeah. That 7cm post. Here's the post.
It made me cry. Perhaps lately I've been so busy thinking about bad things and forgot what I need to do here. But the point is, I miss that life. I miss "kehidupan A" like so bad. Especially the thing with my mother, and my family in my hometown. As a reminder, here "kehidupan A" refers to my default life: a tiny creature coming from a small town, very ordinary, not a wanderer-type and very "indie".
Reading that "7cm" post I kind of sad. Mother and daughter have their own unique love-hate relationship. Somehow you may argue with your mother, thinking bad about her and want to go away so you don't have the chance to be ambushed by that useless arguments over and over again. But in the end your mother is the closest person on earth with her multi-billion kinds of kindness (you got that lecture in elementary school, right?) and it's no way you could unlove her. And what about me? I notice that I was being so selfish today. I think about some other people, some strangers, cats, books, works, blah blah, but think less about her. What is this?
Maybe this is just another must-happened phase in someone's life (think I should get rid of that "quarter-life crisis" thing out of my head, it's too suggestive). Okay whatever. Thing is, I have to stop before everything become hideous. I believe that if this is a "phase", I need to cut it off because this is so unimportant. This thoughts are unimportant.
And hey, what's the point of all this confusing post? Sorry to bother. This is to remind me that we have to readjust everything periodically. Sorting thing out. What is matter and what is not, making priorities, etc. And this wanderer lifestyle, you know, being a nomaden like a prehistoric human (uh oh sorry for the sarcasm), is this really what I need? Is this just a part of that "escape plan"? Because I tend to escape when I think I couldn't handle anything anymore (happens a lot, my bad). But then again, think about that "7cm".
I don't know. I just don't want to be lost.
"Not all those who wander are lost" - JRR Tolkien.