20.11.16

Itch and Pain

*Got a terrible luck to reach my original account, so I decided to enter my blog using this one lol.

A little recap about my last two months (wait, wut??):

9 October 2016

Back to home (my parents' home, I mean) - it has safety concerns but what choice do we have now :( On the first 3 days I got chill every time the heavy rain poured. Had a reachable stuff piled up to take if something emergency happened. Seems my experience in HSE had finally met its use :P I was sad seeing my cat as thin as paper! We did feed him everyday but he looked sad (judging from his eyes) so when we finally went home, he is now so clingy. Love you so much, buddy!

10 - 14 October 2016

A very hectic way to spend the leisure days. I told my boss that I need to sort something out regarding my homecoming - 22 days of refuge equals tons of stuff: pillows, clothes, food, etc. etc. - when in fact I was "sorting" another thing lol.

9 - 11 November 2016

That another thing was succeed so I took the second step. Perhaps it was the LONGEST three days of my life because things were scary (I have no idea why) but exciting at the same time. Luckily I had 'stuff' guided me from the very beginning so I didn't feel left out whatsoever :D. That thing is not really discuss-able at the moment so talking with people, tweeting all the time and something alike offer a great help (or sweet distraction!). Stressing me out like crazy. And at this point you probably thought "The F are you saying!" but sorry I do not want to talk about it since my head is full of unnecessary things right now *tears*.

Work In Progress.
And here we go with the unnecessary things:


1. Can you suppress a pain by inflicting another pain?

No. But itch can. There's this theory that human couldn't feel itchy and pain at the same time. So whenever you feel that itch, you hurt yourself to forget that itchiness. Seeing the blood flowing surely a temporary bliss. That strange feeling makes you forget the itch. Unfortunately we couldn't generalize it and things don't go straightly well. Somehow itch and pain could happened all at once. For itch is different from pain and both needs attention, umm you'd just make the pain doubled. Beware! More dangers will follow when the nerve system is not in its best condition. Dear pain/ itch, don't come near. I'm already damaged.

2. The change.

I don't really care about things going around me right now. I don't care. Stop telling me about the change or switch or replacement whatsoever for the word I hear is only "departure". Departure means leaving. Leaving means gone. Gone means vanished. What's left will be only "memory".

What am I supposed to do with memories??

(I'm so not ready for this. Took me months to realize what kind of relationship I've been in. Sorting the good and the bad. And when finally I found the beauty in it, I realize that the life span is so short they're gonna die soon. I'm so desperate I even wish they'd be revived into some kind of ghost lol. Gonna need that ghost to keep me sane. Seriously, I need more time but more time means I am selfish).

3. A big fat ego to feed. How to stop?

Most people would pity me from my story - the story I used to hate and love (talking about the ambivalence here) and I always regret when it bursts out :( - but I won't stop that easy. I feed someone's ego. But it feed my ego, too. So if I stop, my ego will be sad and I don't want it to be sad. Ah.. the knot is so tight, yet the itch and pain come respectively, making it's urgent to be untied. But I should endure. I just need the right drug.

***

See? Those are what I've been thinking. Pardon me if it's too dark and confusing. I'm not depressed lol I just a little nervous (and it makes me nauseous these days don't know why). As I said, this is my burn book. So be my guest.