So around a week ago, I woke up voiceless - almost literally. Muted, like someone's been kidnapping my already-contralto voice (I don't actually know what type my voice is lol) and changed it to be a monstrous whisper! Ugh. Meanwhile I was needing my voice to do stuff - busy bee here. Yeah of course, blame the uncured cough that suddenly caught my defense. Uncomfortable.
Yeah. It was Laryngitis.
Believe it or not, it was my first time underwent that kind of situation. I remember my college-pal once said she wanted to have this kind of voice. Kind of cool she said lol. I wonder what she'd say when she know I got it first? Please honey, don't.
|Doodle of my muted life.|
The doctor said that I got Laryngitis probably because of exposure or inhalation of the dust, wrong food, or GERD (you know that gut acid, coming to your throat and strangle you from the inside - eerie concept lol). And I checked myself:
- Inhaling the dust was possible because I spent my weekend drawing and illustrating, using those not-been-touched-for-months art materials from my cabinet. Somehow the dust of your colored pencils could make you ill *rolling eyes *I mean, really?
- Wrong food - I forgot what I ate as soon as I gulped everything. So when the docs asked me to recall what I ate those two days, I was tortured until I remember finally that I ate some Lays. Could it be Lays, causing my Laryngitis? -_-
- GERD - I have a gastric problem but this just doesn't make sense.
Okay, I am confused so let's blame the misfortune then. :P
And how are being mute is disadvantage as opposed to my friend wanting the symptom? (pardon me, no words here are meant to offense the real mute or speaking disability, these are pure for Laryngitis).
- When you speak, you sound stupid and silly. Like trying so hard to speak and there's no voice coming out beautifully lol.
- People make fun of you *rolling eyes again.
- You stop speaking, and your voice started to disappear quite faster. Like an engine needs to be heated and heated again before it started properly (I don't really know, I don't drive).
- Your throat hurts when you try to scream! Actually why do you even scream lol. Umm it sometimes necessary, I mean, you probably need to get mad at people, or giving order around like a maniac (also, I don't really know, I'm not the boss).
And being mute for days made me realized that I've been metaphorically mute all these time. Gotcha! This is all I want to talk.
Talking about life. Often I lost my voice. Not that anyone's kidnap it. I was too coward to speak up. Frank things to say because I mostly speak before thinking lol. I don't always get what I want due to my reasoning before speaking the important thing. Again. Coward vanity. Then I did another fact check. This is happened, well, like the Laryngitis did to me, I put myself into mutiny because of:
- Inhaling the dust; negative vibe plus negative mind of an over-achiever naysayer (I mean, me). Dust's been in my mind I rarely tend.
- Wrong food; same as inhaling the dust. I consumed unimportant stuff before saving the important ones. This was my problem for years. I'm bad at making priorities so getting the work done equals hard time for I choose fancy before necessary. I need detox, no?
- GERD; lol this one is level 1000. Your negativity level is damn too high it strangles your own mind from the inside. But beware, it's already there. GERD makes everything worst. So sad.
And again, a friendly reminder, the disadvantages of being muted are similar to the one caused by Laryngitis, again.
- When you speak, you sound stupid and silly.
- People makes fun of you.
- You stop speaking, and your voice started to disappear quite faster.
- Your throat hurts when you try to scream!
This could lead to depression, I'm afraid.
You don't need to speak. Just hoping people will understand without you saying a word and we all know that is so damn impossible, right? Or picking a spokes person, and that's also impossible for you need to stand for yourself.
I haven't found the solution for this actually lol so I won't write how to cure the mutiny (my mutiny because of Laryngitis hasn't been cured, too). I just thought that this mutiny is mutual, as long as I use it wisely.
ONLY. When the right time comes, and the mutiny is no longer mutual, or I finally get the guts to speak without having to scream, I'll try to deliver my voice to whom-it-may(or may not)-concern. I'm not using this as my own advantage, like what you've been misunderstood. I, too, want to be wherever 'mine' is. Here I own nothing. But this is work, this is real life and I was paid to obey the rule. Besides, His Earth is huge. I could live anywhere. Any circumstances. Not so confident but what choice do I have lol.
Mutiny is still my best friend now and it's still the most COMFORTABLE way of life lol.
If I have to survive the abyss once more, pray for me, I promise I'll be good.