So psyched these days because at times, everything needs to be on My way. With capital M, yes, referring to your ego. That's right, your ego doesn't help you but in this case you accidentally involves it one too many times. Let me tell you something, since the very beginning my friends tell me that six months isn't a good length of time to prepare this, I never really think about it until it happens to me - really to me lol (yeah, I still can't believe this, too) and I need to make it good. Look at the long shopping list with strikes here and there. So many items, so much asterix' (and footnote), and well, a lot of out-of-plan added stuff making the list longer and longer day after day.
And my weight!
My weight is up by 3 kg OMG. While so many others do the diet to be as slender as possible to celebrate it, me is originally this extra thin so I need to raise my weight - I never thought I'm going to be any fatter until today lol - but NOT THIS FAT OMG. Not to body-shame anyone believe me, but now I know how's the urge of "need-to-be-on-a-diet" feels like. Phew. So stressful.
|Acrylic trial on ordinary paper.|
I'm (still) a control freak. I need everything happen to be my way. Like an "IT-zilla" - clownish act may follow. That's why, I'm afraid I've become one - not a hundred percents one but still is. This stress, lead to reckless decisions happen in a very short period, making a huge questionable stuff happened in my head (and home). How did this happen? Organizing an event is not a new thing for me - still, I learn that every event has its own special manic character so to become "IT-zilla" is a dead-huge possibility.
(When I wrote this, I've already calmed down and hopefully sober enough from the "IT-zilla" symptom lol).
Ego No.1 - I Concept This
Since I'm a concept-er type of person, I have the urge to make the concept myself. This event - in where I came from - is more of my right to choose whatever they want to happen in the event. Of course there will be discussions between the stakeholders, but still I have more part here. It's just normal to make concepts - designs every detail to meet our expectations but with this crazy-tight-schedule-working stuff happen in my normal life (exclude the preparation of "it"), it's not easy to avoid the manic thing visit my busy head.
|From the Prison Break. Source.|
Ego No.2 - I Want Everything To Be Perfect (Including You)
You've got everything in your palm: the venue, the artists, the costume - but nobody got your taste. Yes we made a team to make our concept becomes reality. Still, the team was never that perfect according to your ego. Nobody's competent enough for you. Especially when you have trust-issue. In the end, the what ifs flooded constantly into your head questioning, will your concept become perfectly executed the way you've always imagined?
|From The Sound of Music. Source.|
Ego No.3 - I Should Approve Everything
You felt like you're the boss. So everything - every revision, every rushing decision needs to be acknowledged by you. Nobody has right to move without your permission. The time's tight but you still want to know every progress, every detail and how well everyone's doing their job. That's cute because now your team became scared to do things by themselves. And you? Again. You spent a lot of time approving things while originally you need to trust them and approved only crucial stuff. Plus, you didn't hire them - you asked for their help. They are here to HELP you.
|From The Intern. Source.|
Ego No.4 - The Audience Needs To Be Amused - Not a Single Complaint Needs to Exist
I own the event. A lot of people pride's on the stake. MY pride's on the stake. Again, I'm the concept-er and I need to consider every possible thing happen in the event. Nothing's need to grow against me. Nothing potentially embarrassing thing exist. Nothing to be complained. Nothing imperfect. The audience - the guests - will score your event. This will be the talk of the town - their eyes are the most important thing.
|From The X Factor. Source.|
Those top four ego-born fragments have been dancing in this head like forever. Giving me a heavy symptom of IT-zilla every single day. It's really unavoidable - yet I need to stay sane. If I give up, there'll be room for satan to mess my head up even more. So then I need a coping mechanism. Not a really perfect plan to come up with, but it helps.
First, like everything in this universe come and go, you need to tell everything to Allah. Pray more, recite the Holy Qur'an more, and stop messing with your own head with ugly negative thoughts. You need to calm down. Some might say this isn't a very concrete solution; but to me, when your heart full of Him, your mental will also in a good shape.
After this, you could go to the second base: remember that this is supposed to be easy. Anything comes with His name and Will, is easy. So why complicate yourself with all that concept-y things - dunyaa-ish stuff - making your life (and your team's) miserable? Ask yourself, is this really worth it? This overdose amount of drama, is it worth it? Beware of over shadowing the main reason why you did this. You did this because of Him. He'll sent His help. So never worry about crazy stuff happen.
And then third, trust people. Leave your ego aside. Let them do their job. Let them help you. Other people - the upper class one - might give their version of score to your event. But what's that compared to your team's effort to make everything happen for you? Who has right to taste your gratitude more? I heard in a preach, that if you waste your wealth too much for the wealthy ones, then you'd be very unfortunate because you lose your chance to give alms for those who need.
Ah.. the world is become more and more scary.
Stop creating problems those aren't there. Stop feeding your ego. Stop thinking too much about those worst-case scenarios. This is not a corporate job. This is your life.
Fafirruu ilallah. No more IT-zilla. No more.
ففروا إلى الله