Assalamu'alaykum, how's it going?
Perhaps, what makes this year's Ramadhan different was:
First of all I want to say, Happy Eid Mubarak 1435 H for everyone, may Allah accept our prayers, our ibadaat, and our good deeds.
This year's Ramadhan was very different within my 24 years life in this dunyaa. Well, I don't know. It's not like my first time I was away from my hometown or anything. In fact this was the 3rd time and I didn't feel bothered at all. Two years ago I was in Cilacap while the next year I was in Padang. This year? Obviously, Palembang. So, why should I bothered?
Perhaps, what makes this year's Ramadhan different was:
7 to 3
I usually get to work from 7 AM to 3.30 PM. During the fasting month, they cut the work hour for 30 minutes and it was quite splendid because we got plenty of time to go home and continue our ibadaat (as is supposed to). But instead of doing the right thing, some of us just too tired to do it and lazy to go home early. In my office, you can open the Youtube after office hours (at 4 PM, mostly). I love Youtube, so I prevented myself to go home (okay, it wasn't home, it was a rented room) and wait for the Youtube time. For what? Well, to explore something interesting. What happened next, you've already guessed, right?
4 to Isya
Yes, because it was so late and I got bored, I sometimes ask my friend to have iftaar together. I wrote "sometimes" but in fact, I went a lot. I surprised myself as I attend so many iftaar. Okay maybe it was because I am a wanderer and being a wanderer means I feel lonely most of the time. So being with my friends (or office mates, mostly) gave me a chill and I feel happy. On the other hand I then forgot (in purpose?) that Ramadhan is for praying, not for hedonism that makes this "silaturrahim" word as an excuse. Seriously. I even got a bad cough (and I never had cough disease for years!) for letting myself going out too much in the night. Yeah, I got tired of work and somehow having fun is needed. But in Ramadhan? Come on.
|Whoa..who am I really?|
I remember one of my friends told me something about iftaar together (or you can call it "bukber, buka bersama in bahasa Indonesia"). He said that he doesn't like bukber because it was only an excuse to have fun but in the end we'll end up ignore the important thing that is supposedly being done in Ramadhan: tarawih, read the Quran, zakat, qiyamul lail, etc.
Ahh.. in the end, everything is always nice if you start it with a nice intention, as long as you don't make it too nice because everything that's begin with "too" is never nice at all. Like this iftaar together, or bukber.
P.S: It's nobody's fault. I'm just this over thinker and you guys are very nice thank you (seriously, it's a precaution if somebody sees this and gets mad lol).
Eid El Fitr, or Idul Fitri, is commonly called as "lebaran" here in Indonesia. You know I was lucky for my boss gave me permission to come home (it was called "mudik") this year because there's this unwritten rule that you have no rights to mudik unless you've finished one year at minimum being a good employee in the office. Me? I moved to Palembang in January, so that makes me approximately 6 months old employee in the office. It was quite hard to get the permission because I am the only one who's still *cough* single in my department that's why I was supposed to give in. But my reasoning while I have the arguments with my boss was,
"Yeah, I am single. But that's why I should go home because unlike everyone, I have nobody here. Or should I attach myself into somebody's family here? Because there's no way my big family will come to see me this far."
|Me and the Bolek couple, posing in the airport before flying to Bandung.|
Tough one, and I probably disliked by my boss (ahh! I wrote it here finally) because that wasn't the first time I have arguments with him. Of course not every arguments were bad. It was just, I am not a likable person and I am pretty aware of that. Hehe.
|With my family.|
The "It" Question
Uhm... I don't talk much about this part but my ultimate answer when the question was thrown is always as vague as possible so everyone will stop wondering my private life, duh!
While writing this post, I still wonder why my feeling is so empty. It doesn't feel like I was winning my Ramadhan and I lack of my excitement for Idul Fitri. I don't know what happen! My friend said that if your heart is not "feeling it", maybe your heart is dead already. This is not good.
As I was said that this year's Ramadhan was different and I meant it but did you know that this was a BAD different? Of course not everything was bad. At least my friends and I were having a great time together and consider it as a reunion because we didn't meet each other for a long time. But when you deviate the silaturrahim into hedonism, it was not good at all. Besides, it was Ramadhan for God sake! And then I conclude,
Perhaps, this emptiness comes from regrets. The regrets you've got because you didn't use the Ramadhan properly. The regrets because you lack of ibadaat and put your own satisfaction as top priority. The regrets for being such a hedonist.
You can hate me now.
Ya Alloh, how I wish I meet Ramadhan again and I promise, next year it'll be good. I'll be a lot better. Aamiin.
*Maaf lahir bathin ya buat semua pembaca, teman, sahabat, rekan kantor, dan semua yang mengenal saya. Semoga kita semua selalu dalam ridho-Nya, dan semoga kita semua dipertemukan kembali dengan Ramadhan yang lebih baik daripada tahun ini. Aamiin*