Traveled by Accident

This was originally written around 19 February.

An abundance of traveling has colored my last week. I still surprised of how much I traveled - mainly as business trip - during the month, as I remembered that I am still pretty new in the office. Yeah, we sort of short of employees here so everyone has a double job descs, double hard works. The most interesting part is that everything was happened spontaneously. I mean, what is more daring than doing something unplanned and just let it flow, and you kind of let the worrying thing haunting but you enjoy that?

30 Januari 2014

Dua minggu yang lalu sebenarnya saya sudah diberitahu bahwa akan ada dinas yang semi-semi reward night gitu, di Batam. Reward apa sih, you may ask. Jadi semua lokasi di perusahaan saya sedang ditarget untuk ikut PROPER, semacam award untuk pembinaan lingkungan gitu, yang mana penargetannya gak hanya dari perusahaan akan tetapi juga Badan Lingkungan Hidup punya. Dan itu tuh susaaah banget. Menyita waktu dsb. Makanya ketika target itu tercapai, perusahaan memberikan reward yang lumayan lah buat para PIC yang mengerjakan selama setahunan itu. Well, back to topic, dinasnya hari Jum'at malam sehingga di hari Sabtu-nya kami bisa nyebrang rame-rame ke Spore (so this is the reward: Spore trip for two days! Yay!). Lalu saya sudah merencanakan bahwa saya akan menolak reward itu. Alesannya simple sih:

1. Saya sudah mutasi ke Palembang (the reward is targeted for the achievement that was reached when I was in Teluk Kabung).

2. Saya. Tidak. Punya. Paspor.


A Bitter Story

I have this weird fondness for everything dark, bitter, and has "emo" feeling in it. Like gore themed movies, dark illustrations (as if you don't know already *lol*), emo music, horrific mangas, and suicidal novels. Well if you read my other blog, it'll be obvious that my reading choice is always dark and specifically suicidal.

There's no particular reason about my guilty pleasure except that I consider happy-themed films (and books) are only too good to be true (it's not that I don't like them, I just take the dose at the minimum level). They will just make us envy. And then you'll start to imagine things, something happy that you already know it couldn't happened in your real life. I mean, think about it: when you look at something horrible you'll start to be grateful of your current state, that your actual life is far better than everything told in the story. Some kind of dopamine that turn my fear of life into the smallest kind, and I'll be relieved for it.

I'm that bitter.

But really, I never expect something like that to happen in my real life. As if my life is not horrible enough *chuckles*.
"Hi. I think he doesn't want me anymore. I think his family will never notice me as their member. I think nobody needs me anymore. I wonder what he'd be doing when he come home seeing me as a body with no soul. With no life."
I re-read the text again and again and again. Because I've just wake up and I haven't got my mind clear enough to read something like that.
"What do you mean?" I replied.
"I don't know if I could be around anymore. I'd better die."
I hold my breath as my heart beating so fast and I started to shiver. I called her cell phone. She didn't picked up. I text-ed her again.
"Whoa. Don't do anything stupid. Istighfar. Please don't."
She didn't reply. I text-ed her again.
"OMW to your place."