Being Thirty For A While

“How old are you?”


“How long have you been thirty’s?”

“A while..”

(Bella to Edward on Twilight, 2008).

Pfft of course I modified it because I am actually double of Edward’s legal age by now.

I’ve been meaning to rant a lot about this since a long time ago - that time of the moment of truth happened when I was reminded that I’m no longer that youngest gurl in class. In my past, I was known for being the youngest of them all. Or second youngest. That’s why the feeling of being the oldest is quite new to me. And I was like, oh this is how it feels.

So several months ago, I noticed on the Instagram that a book fair would be held publicly somewhere in Bandung. And they were opened for volunteers. One of the position available was social media contributors. Well I am a social media contributor in a non profit community so I was thinking that maybe the job was fit for me. But my situation was that I have two toddlers with me and I have no ability to be mobile. So then I asked the contact person about my situation and whether if it was okay if I join the volunteer team. I’ve got no reply so I was understand that it was a no. I moved on then.

Several weeks later, our community had an opportunity to give a talk on the main stage on that book fair. Since I was on the social media team, I had to present to take photos and videos to be reported on our Instagram. I was in charge to contact the officials of the book fair, too, and after the event was ended, I thank the officials and later I realized that she was the contact person I mentioned earlier. She was the first to notice and guess what did she said to me?

“Oh, hi, Ma’am. I remember you were applying to be social media volunteers on this event. So sorry for not replying, we were hectic at the moment and as you can see here, the volunteers are mostly college students.”

Boom! I looked around and noticed that was true lol. Gosh I giggled noticing how silly I was. I also had this sudden urge to runaway to check my IDs to see what year my birthday again lol. Really I didn’t see it coming. I went home with some overthinking feeling lingering in my head. Silly me.

Andddd that was the moment I realized that on your 30s, you didn’t really have a chance to start fresh. Like, people hope you are half way there. In everything. A successful business owner with zillions in your bank account. A manager assistant in a big corporate career ladder. Mom of preteens or elementary schoolers. Start a franchise. Finish a master degree or two - even start to pursue PhD. Purchased another property. Had at least one designer bag. The list could be going on and on.

(At this point why I am still surprised that people do mind some timeline for other people).

Lucky for me I have a circle that happened to be the same age and that quite keep me sane. Like when we found a job recruitment flyer and it was stated that applicants should not be older than 25. God it was laughable but sad at the same time. Especially for a mom that have a gap year after her career break to look after the babies. Do we even really have a chance to “come back”?

An old friend earlier today asked me about my biggest dream. Ten years ago I probably list a bunch of places I want to go to, subjects I want to learn, shoes I want to purchase, and even getting a degree - which was I tried and failed once. But today when I contemplate the answers, I ended up awake at this hour. What is actually my dream? Is it okay to have a dream, while you have responsibilities that occupy your top priorities list now?  Is it okay to be selfish? Or what is selfish means again? Because the answers may vary.

Then I also remembered that my late mother had her first course as MUA in her 38 while had us three children. She pursued her career dream just in time because after many years of networking, she had a lot of clients after that. And also to note that, my father was very supportive. We had this ups and downs when we were kids but our parents didn’t give up that easy.

Well, so we came of that kind family.