The Hiatus has Paused

So after a very long waiting phase.. I finally get that email. I won't say this is an end, or this is over, because it'll be a beginning of my next phase (OH FINALLY!). I remember that I was once a college student, then after graduated, I caught in a hiatus (an euphemism for "unemployed") for more than a year, so I'm so excited for this moment to come.

I actually a little shy because I once bad-mouthed that company. Apologize! So I think the case closed then. I hope that company won't read that post. :P I'm just thinking that when I was ready to let this opportunity go, and try to cope by applying another job, then it suddenly came back to me again without notice. I believe this is a blessing from Allah. Alhamdulillah. Because of this riot, I'm able to learn what "sabar" (patience) and more of sabar means. Although I might won't keep this for long because after all I'm only human, but insya Allah, I'm gonna do my best. :)

Well this is the latest illustration I made on yesterday. I was thinking to make a fashion illustration since the girl I drew was in a fashion-spread on my old magazine. But it just ended up like this. A little whimsical and ghostly at the same time. I doubt it could be categorized as a fashion illustration. But I'm sure this picture describes a lot of my hiatus phase before I finally invited. (I drew it yesterday, means it was before the email came, remember?).

Forest girl. Waiting for something.
Here I also want to tell you readers that I'm afraid I can't get in touch with this blog again. I'll have my job training started in 2 days and probably won't post anything until next month. I hope we'll meet again in not later than January or February 2012, right after I turned 22. :P Wish me luck guys! :)



I have no sister. Okay, I have my best friends in behalf of this "sisters" place. But you know I sometimes imagine what is it like to have sisters. Is it fun, or is it a curse? :P You maybe own a person to play your barbie doll with, or to play cooking, or to talk some cheesy gossips with, or the most important thing, to brag your stuff with. Well I have two brothers and they never let me to brag about my new clutch, or my new accessories, or my brand new make up (As if!). But I proud of them anyway. Besides, I still have my mom to talk with. I brag everything to her. Sometimes she bored with my bragging thing but come on, bragging will not make you look good in your friends' eyes. They will consider you as an arrogant lady. So, the safest person to brag is your very own mom. :D

And oh she's also like to play make up to my face since she's some kind of make up artist. Man.. I honestly hate it. :P

Playing make up with your sister.
Model: Dakota and Elle Fanning, from W magazine.


Letting Go

I'm so ashamed by the post I made earlier. (I won't tell you which one :P). At first I just attempted to write about my feeling and I don't think many of my friends will read it. Okay, I did give the link to several of them, just to get opinions. Still, I never thought that they will read it! So now everyone knows what has happened. So they knew that I was a pathetic. But it's just a "was". Means, I'm no longer in grief.

Okay, I still feel the grief.

But not too much. At least I'm ready for the letting go stuff. Yes. I'm coping now. And big thank you for everyone who's gave me supports, courage, advice, anything. You might not believe it but any positive words from you was superb. Appreciate it. May Allah give y'all the best. :)

To be honest, letting go this grief was not easy. But thank God we've managed to do some efforts. So yesterday we had an outing together (all of us, with the same problems). At first I was thinking that if people with the same problem had a discussion together, they will talk about their problem and make pathetic confessions so that the grief will grow bigger. But I was wrong. After we had a chit-chat, ranged from our very problem to the light ones, we felt so much better.

So in my opinion, if you had a grief and want to let it go, I suggest you to talk it with, mostly, the ones who have the same or similar problem with you. If you think, "no, I'll get better after some self-alienation, just leave me alone", you are wrong. Alienation will just make your grief grow bigger, since the negative energy will gather and reach you easily. And your brain (or your heart) won't stop to fight. Your brain may say, "hey you have to stop being a pathetic," but then your heart answer, "no, leave me alone, I'm a loser". etc. Isn't it complicated?

Communication is the key. Don't choose to be alone if you are able to meet other people. By the way, here are some pics of our "letting-go-the-grief"-outing.

Who is this? Is this really me? :P


Some silly snapshots in the restroom.
A little pose while having a talk.
This condition reminds me about a song from Savage Garden, entitled "Crash n Burn".

When you feel all alone

And the world has turned its back on you
Give me a moment please to tame your wild wild heart
I know you feel like the walls are closing in on you


Because there has always been heartache and pain

And when it's over you'll breathe again
You'll breathe again

Have a great day always. :)


Feline's Brigade

This weeks's theme of IF is "Brigade". First thing I captured in my mind about brigade was army, troops, etc. Uhm.. quite sure, actually. Well without further ado, I make this illustration, about feline's brigade.
Feline brigades. Their motto is "thou shalt fear the dogs nor the sea".
I don't know why it end up like this. It likes a pirates crew. Is pirates crew also a brigade? Never mind. I draw cats quite often and drawing various cats is fun. So here's the list of the crew:

(from left to right):
1. Lynx cat (a rare species, founded in Siberia..uhm where's Siberia?lol)
2. Persian cat (elder)
3. Black ordinary cat (the smallest member yet the most brave one)
4. Lady Ocelot (you won't like it when she's mad)
5. Mr. Lion (wonder why he's not taking the lead here)
6. Puss in Boots (heheh, it's a twist. I love this character so much!). He's the leader since he's so clever as a cat.

So.. what's your opinion?


Ridiculously Tough, Ridiculously Uncertain

Can you believe, I have a ridiculously tough time in this past 2 weeks and I think it won't end too soon! Well as I said before, I've been waiting for an email which is said will change my life. What kind of email is that? Uhm you might aware about it from something I posted before but I don't want to tell.

So yes, I've sentenced as "pass the final interview and going to receive the invitation email to get the job-training". But, as you might guess, the email didn't come. I don't know. Is it "didn't come" or don't come yet" or "will not ever come", I don't know. How could I know? It is really unfair knowing that some people who applied later than me (I applied in January 2011, announced to pass the interview in July 2011 and SAID that going to have training not later than December 2011) has already received the invitation email and so they are going to get the job-training before me. Just why is that? Of course, I asked it to some people who's already work there and also emailed the recruitment team, why did my email doesn't appear in my inbox. But the answers are always the same: "dear Dewi, we've received your email and we wish you to wait longer". Wait, wait and wait. All I heard just this "wait" words. But they didn't give me (and 2 of my friends) a straight answer. I was hoping we received something like "dear all, you might get your training starting not later than month xx and date xx. Because you are blablabla." But they didn't do that. So everything just remains uncertain.

I just feel like deceived. Well it's a huge company. Some might won't believe this is happened. But it just does happen. We Indonesian called it "BUMN", a state company. It produces a large quantity of oil, lubricants and something alike (from here if you are Indonesian, you must know what kind of company I mean). But just why is the recruitment system is this uncertain? They probably should improve their human resources to get everyone happy and fairly treated. And again, just so you know, it's already passed 11 months since I applied. I also must note here that I really pass the final interview so I have rights to blab about this, no? 

Just what should I do? Should I be grateful because I probably could pursue my dream to become a full-time illustrator (right now I'm still a free-lancer with a small number of commissions)? Or should I keep send spam to their email just to get the answer and the justice? I just confused. I'm nobody. Really, I won't win against this kind of company if I try to sue or something like that.

Un-umbrella-ed girl. Just like me. Because I'm nobody.

P.S: At first I attempted to write this post in Bahasa Indonesia since this is an emotional writing; but you know if the company find out, I'm afraid they might block my blog. Something like that. They are tricky. And I'm not brave enough to fight.