For some reason, I LOVE talking about how I am coping (I mean, surviving) this wanderer lifestyle that I'd never think of in the past. You know, the family missing thing, the unsure of what to do most of the time stuff, and the homeless feeling, kind of coloring my life in these 5 years. Well told you again this time, I am not an adventurer type whatsoever. Of course I had times when I went around as a kid, got into forest and forbidden place without parents' permission, like a very fun child, but in fact I'm so private and independent and I hated people that I might get home schooled but fortunately I didn't.
I am a wanderer because of work who spent 1/3 of her life (it's 2/3 now btw T_T) being a corporate slave and blah blah (read my "about me" page, will ya?). But honestly I'm starting to like it: hell yeah, liking what you do, not doing what you like (like a wise grown up). And yes, instead of being unsure of what to do (as said above), luckily now I've got a lot of things to mind.
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| Tokyo Ghoul by Me. |
My friend once said that it is a very brave thing to do, choosing this lifestyle. OMG you are wrong, pal. I never choose this. It chose me. But forget it, because I got paid lol so I have no rights to badmouth it. And people always talk no matter what. They say they wanna be like me (I'M SORRY, REALLY?). I'm glad they see me positively like, as an ambitious working girl, postpone a lot of things to be what I am today, hard worker (cynical words sorry).
To be busy.
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A little short story now. I've been away for a very long time. From Palembang, and of course, from my hometown (It's called Sumedang; Google it, babe). Last week I got a sudden call to go to Jambi and Lampung in only two days in a row and today as I am typing on my laptop, I'm in Bangka. Yeah, I got so many business trips here and there, bunch of events to handle, people to care, cats to feed, colleagues and bosses to impress, et cetera, et cetera, and if you could conclude these words into one sparkling thing, yeah, it's called: BUSY.
As a super lazy person, I lost a lot of things because of me being busy. I rarely sleep well, I woke up in the midnight because of anxiety and thinking if I'm doing well or not, or thinking about things I have to do tomorrow but still unprepared, and I even lost my appetite. My body is kind of weakened and shrunk, and I looked more and more older (people started to call me "Ma'am" omg). And for the record, I hardly get a chance to see my people (family, friends, cats). Hmm. Really? You wanna be me? (I sometimes don't wanna be me so why do you, lol).
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Yeah, people seem to see the envious sparkling things, you know, the things they think as good as it seems (or imagined, because it was probably only happened in their mind). Like, being busy and wandering from towns to towns, like a traveler, like a huge spender, or business trip-seeker (ah, if you work in my field, you probably understand this term). Believe me, NO. I'm just, well, playing my part.
Do you know how much I wanna be surrounded with my girls, my family, my cats, people who speak and act the way I do, manners, the creative ambiences, being beautiful-tall-and-slender, physically flawless, being loved or worshiped? -OMG this is just gone too far lol- The point is, I might envy some of you, too.
This is the art of coping. This is life, honey. We jealous and envy to each others. The thing is how to like ourself, without being self-obsessed. You should worry yourself if you love yourself so much there's no room for anybody else. Pfft. And well, okay no, I'm not being chosen. I had chose this so this is how I do my responsibility. Do I like it? Uhm, I have to. Probably yes.
So people, (actually, I'm doing monologue lol), just be grateful of whatever happen in your life. If you think the other person having a better life than you, well think again, there are good sides and bad sides. I'm not really the one to say this because I also have a bunch of people who I envy to. So I'm learning, too. To be a grateful person, to be brave, and somehow, happy. To be me, of course.
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Stop seeing the sparkling thing in others (for your delusive mind might deceive your logic), see your own. You may have more than you can think of.
